House husbands - we love them!
The 21st-Century Father - by Doug Most at MSN
It's a mild Saturday afternoon, a perfect day for watching baseball, mowing the lawn, or running errands. Instead, a group of guys in blue jeans gather in a sunlit room behind a storefront in Brookline, Massachusetts. Sitting on the floor amid yellow Boppy pillows, each has a baby cradled in his lap or parked in a car seat next to him. These men have gathered to do something their own fathers would have mocked or, at the very least, misunderstood: bond with each other -- and their babies -- at a popular program called "Time for Dads."
"My father harasses me about this class," Paul Muniz, 27, an oncology nurse, jokes afterward. "He says, 'You're doing what?'" But Muniz thinks the program -- a bunch of guys sitting around yakking about baby stuff -- has been great. "It gets us dads actively involved in the process," he says as he gently rocks 3-month-old Connor. "We are no longer just a side note."
Meet the 21st-century father, a guy who proudly wears spit-up on his shoulder as a battle scar, not an embarrassing stain. No longer is he satisfied with a supporting role in his children's lives. Now, in addition to attending childbirth classes, memorizing the pediatrician's number, and helping pick out baby gear, the modern dad is staying home when a child is sick, doing the daycare drop-off, and enrolling in programs like "Time for Dads."
New Interest in Coparenting
Though their numbers are still small, more guys than ever are scaling back on work or quitting altogether to help raise a family. And even those who stick to the most traditional breadwinner role are different from dads of the past: Many say they feel freer to be more nurturing, affectionate, and emotionally expressive parents, without any concern that their manliness might be questioned.
"From what I see, the number of men interested in coparenting is higher than it's ever been," says Parents advisor Kyle Pruett, MD, clinical professor of child psychiatry at Yale University. In his child-development courses, he says, young men talk about wanting to be more hands-on with their children. "They're not comfortable having so few memories of their dads being involved in their lives. They plan to do things differently."
The new sensibility reflects the convergence of many trends: Lots of today's young dads are the sons of working mothers and grew up with more flexible views about gender roles. Many of them have working wives -- who can afford to live on one income anymore? -- and are expected to help out on the home front. What's more, the workplace is no longer the rigid Monday-to-Friday, 9-to-5, in-the-office environment it used to be; technology has made it easier than ever to work anytime, anywhere.
Make no mistake -- it's hardly a revolution. The typical dad spends 6.5 hours a week with his children, less than an hour a day, and far less time than the typical mom spends. Still, that's more than double the 2.6 hours weekly that men devoted to their families 30 years ago. And, by most accounts, dads' time with kids is not watching-sports-while-tapping-on-the-BlackBerry time -- it's real quality time. A 2007 report from the Minnesota Fathers & Families Network found that, of the nearly 600 dads surveyed, 92 percent said showing love and affection to their kids was their most important role. "I'm a very different kind of father than my dad was," says Neal Pollack, 38, a Los Angeles writer, blogger, and father of Elijah, 5. "Affection, smooching, cuddling -- my son and I have no problem with that. It's not like my dad was cold and distant, but he was a guy, I was a guy. We never talked about our feelings. We watched karate movies. I do that with my son, too, but I also sing lullabies to him."
Pollack is the author of Alternadad, a humorous book about his experiences as an involved father. He also blogs about his kid (on offsprung.com as well as here on parents.com), making him one of the dozens of daddy bloggers who proudly tell the world how much they love their new role.
Making Fatherhood Look Chic
A generation ago, the idea of a changing table in the men's room or baby gear designed for guys would have been fodder for a stand-up comedy routine. Not anymore. At roadway rest stops and at retailers like Barnes & Noble, Toys "R" Us, and Whole Foods Markets, bathrooms are equipped for dads to do diaper duty. Baby supplies designed for men are starting to crowd the marketplace. "Some of our dad diaper bags are so popular we can barely keep them in stock," says John Brosseau, cofounder of DadGear, a company that makes products for men to carry baby supplies. Brosseau and his business partner, Scott Shoemaker, started the company in 2005, and in three years, sales have quadrupled. "Fathers now are not only proud of their children; they're also proud of being active parents," Brosseau says.
Look around, and you'll see evidence of the new daddy pride everywhere. In the workplace, men are bragging about their kids to colleagues, and whipping photos out of their pockets as if they were business cards. On weekends, they're wearing their newborn proudly on their chest, sitting down for storytime and tea parties, and feeding kids raisins while pushing them through the supermarket.
Celebrity magazines are filled with images of dads like Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, and Ben Affleck strutting around town with their babies and toddlers in tow. And on television, comedians like Jon Stewart and David Letterman exchange stories about their kids with male guests. Prouder-than-ever pops are even evident in the macho world of sports: In the hours before this year's Super Bowl in Phoenix, several of the New England Patriots players brought their kids on the field for some pregame fun. "Fatherhood is chic, it's in, it is no longer costing these men their masculinity," says Dr. Pruett. "That's a big societal shift."
Slowly but surely, that shift is showing up in quantifiable ways. In a 2007 poll by Monster.com, a job-hunt Web site, fathers cited a flexible work schedule as the employee benefit they most appreciate, followed by telecommuting and on-site childcare. The survey also found that 71 percent of dads with a child under age 5 said they'd taken time off from work to care for a child when their company allowed it.
